i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
