Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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