Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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