apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
