someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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