Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
