capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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