Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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