things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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