so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
