My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
