why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize
