Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
