you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
