help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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