I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
