Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
