Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
