what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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