I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
