We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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