Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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