Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
