So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Everyone says I win the strip club
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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