I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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