i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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