We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
