Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
