Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
