I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
