Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
