I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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