You made me cry and you don't even care
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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