Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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