So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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