If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
