I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
