Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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