I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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