im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
