My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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