He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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