i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
