Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
