And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
