Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
