Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
