Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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