That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
high people should be assigned attendants
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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