For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
time to smoke my breakfast
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
