Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
