didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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