He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am one with the molecules
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
