Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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