In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga