Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
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Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"