Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.