I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me