i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.