Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
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This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
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I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?