I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
